A Dummies Guide to Kinks & Fetishes

A Dummies Guide to Kinks & Fetishes

Did you know that sexuality is a spectrum? Yup, all of us have different desires, preferences, and specific sensual experiences that arouse us. Within this mighty labyrinth of sexual expression and turn-ons, lies the mysterious and often misunderstood twists and treasure chests of kinks and fetishes.

Getting to (intimately) know our kinks and fetishes

Everyone is turned on by something. Whether it’s getting spanked, wearing lace, licking off whipped cream, the feet, or being told to wash the floor on your hands and knees with a ball gag in your mouth. These are all examples of kinks and fetishes, and there is no judgement and shame in it. (Unless shame is your kink.)

So, here we delve into the realm of kinks and fetishes so you can explore what you or others may enjoy if you haven’t already.

What are kinks & fetishes?

These terms – kinks and fetishes – are often used interchangeably as a blanket term for any sexual activity that escapes the bounds of conventional sex.

Now, we can’t truly have an objective view of conventional sex since everyone’s ‘kinky’ and ‘vanilla’ are completely different. In other words, being spanked may be conventional for some while it may be a kinky addition for others. 

Although they may be understood as synonymous terms for non-conventional sexual behaviour and they may weave into one another’s spheres, they do represent different aspects of sexual desires and preferences.

A kink is a sexual interest or desire that deviates from the norm, such as BDSM, roleplaying, and any other sexual activity that gets you there. A fetish is a specific object, body part or scenario that creates arousal, such as feet or lips, the feeling of latex, or doing it in a public place where you may be caught in the act.

Getting into kinks & fetishes with a partner

Know your kink or fetish, or would like to explore these with a partner? If so, honest and open communication with a partner is essential when it comes to sexual exploration.

Always initiate a conversation about what your needs and desires are and acknowledge your partner’s sexual boundaries to see if they would be comfortable enough to explore it with you. If they do, always ensure that you have a safe and comfortable environment for all by verbalising one another’s boundaries and consent. 

Ready to explore kinks and fetishes with a partner, but unsure where to start? Sex games and novelty toys are a great way to experiment with various positions, activities, and toys to figure out what you may enjoy and may not.

All tied up – the bondage kink

Enjoy being restrained or restraining others? Within BDSM (bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sadism and masochism), bondage play involves one partner who acts as the dom and restrains specific body parts of the partner playing the sub with rope or handcuffs.

Sex therapist Emily Morse shares different bondage positions in a Masterclass article, including “chair bondage” where the sub’s legs are tied to the chair’s legs, and their arms behind the chair, the “hogtie” where the ankles and wrists are tied together at the same point, or “Shibari” known as ‘decorative tying’ known for its aesthetics originating from Japan.

Exploring new forms of pleasure - urethral sounding 

Also another BDSM kink, urethral sounding is the act of inserting medical devices – urethral dilators – into the urethra (the tube where urine comes out) for sexual pleasure and gratification.

Urethral play is highly pleasurable for some offering unique sensations and intense forms of arousal. This form of sexual play can be explored solo or with a partner. Besides the potential for heightened sensations and pleasure, it can also be used within power dynamic play within BDSM as a form of submission and control.

Some safety precautions to consider when engaging in urethral play: 

If not used with caution, proper hygiene of dilators, and gradual dilation, you can risk injury and infection within the urinary tract.

  • Keep it clean – Always sterilise dilators with warm water and soap before and after use.
  • Lube it up – Use a water-based lubricant to reduce friction and microtears when inserting the dilator.
  • Go slowly – When first exploring this kink, start with small, smooth dilators to avoid discomfort or potential injury. Once comfortable, gradually work up to larger sizes. 

Lace is sexy – the material fetish

Does lace, leather or satin get you turned on? Certain materials and even objects can cause arousal just as much as the body can. Perhaps it’s the feeling of the material on your skin, how it looks, how it smells, or even the sounds it makes (think latex and leather).

Within the sensual experience of sexual exploration, certain materials may turn you on or help you climax during sexual activity.

Final Thoughts

We all have specific desires, preferences, and needs when it comes to our sexual expression and exploration. Maybe it’s a kink, a fetish, or a little bit of both. The more you know and the more you explore the juicy world of your own sexuality, the more you get to dive into what you enjoy and what you don’t. As long as it’s consensual and fun, discover what your kink and fetish may be, or delve into something you may not have tried before.