Ready to add some kinky new activities to your sex life? New sex toys, sensual play, or kinks can spice things up in the bedroom. Within this realm of sexy fun, consent and respectful sexual exploration is the fundamental component of satisfying experiences. And safe words are a sexual tool that can help us foster these exciting yet safe spaces for ourselves and our partner/s.

The Importance of Safe Words in the Bedroom

We’ve all probably heard of the term “safe word” but what does it actually mean? While they are commonly associated with BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism), safe words extend beyond BDSM practices.

Anyone can use safe words during sensual encounters to ensure that all partners consent to the sexual activity respectfully and openly. Before we delve deeper into the importance of establishing and using safe words during sex, let’s discover what safe words are.

What are safe words?

Safe words are specific words that you and your partner/s predetermine and use during sexual experiences so that if someone is not enjoying the act, feeling uncomfortable or experiencing non-pleasurable pain, everyone can stop immediately.

It may be difficult to stop and explain to your partner in detail while you’re in the sexual experience. Having one word to express your emotional and physical state is an effective way to stop the situation instantly and easily flow into another sensual space that is comfortable and pleasurable.

So, having a safe word helps sexual partners co-create a safe space where everyone can express their desires while setting boundaries to ensure a safe and consensual sexual experience.

What safe words should I use?

Banana, firetruck, and Tarzan. These could all be examples of safe words. Any word that is out of the ordinary could make the perfect safe word. Why shouldn’t we use common words like “no” and “stop”? Using these words could create confusion and be misinterpreted during the heat of the moment.

The more out there the word is, the more direct and unambiguous it is for everyone involved. Keep in mind that the safe word should be openly discussed, agreed upon, and used by all partners involved. (Don’t want to start shouting “Granadilla, granadilla!” and your partner is completely taken by surprise!)

The traffic light safe word method 

Aren’t feeling creative or can’t settle on what word to use? You can always use the common traffic light safe word system to indicate your preferences and comfort level:

“Green” means let’s go!: Open to trying something new in the bedroom? Use the word “green” to let your partner know that you’re totally into it, you’re comfortable, and you want to keep on going.

“Yellow” means let’s take it a bit slower: You’re a bit unsure about it or you were enjoying it but it’s getting a bit too much. Saying “yellow” allows your parter/s to know that you would like to change the pace or move on to something else.

“Red” means STOP!: Not enjoying something? Feeling uncomfortable? Or experiencing too much pain? Using the word “red” expresses your experience to your partner and indicates that you want them to stop everything immediately.

When should I use a safe word? 

Although safe words are commonly used during BDSM where ropes, bondage, and other pain-inducing toys are used, safe words can be used in any sexual context to ensure an open line of communication between partners.

If you’re trying a new sex toy, a new position, or a new kink, having a safe word in place allows a sexual space that is consensual, fun and safe. So, if you ever feel a bit awkward, not into it or emotionally or physically uncomfortable at any point, one word is a quick way to communicate this to your partner/s.

How do I tell my partner that I want a safe word?

Communication is the cornerstone of fun, consensual and fulfilling sexual experiences. If you don’t have an established safe word and would like to decide on one, have an honest and open conversation with your partner/s.

Because safe words are associated with BDSM, some may assume that safe words should only be used in the context of using ropes, chains, and enjoying the pleasure of pain. So, some may feel concerned that they’re not making you feel safe during your intimate experiences.

Explain to your partner/s that a safe word is an effective method to quickly and precisely describe what each person is experiencing at the moment so that we can maximise our pleasure for both partners.

Like all sexual conversations, wait for a time when both of you are relaxed, comfortable and ready to have the chat. Talking about your sex life requires mutual respect and understanding without judgment or belittling.

“Christmas Tree!”

Yup, that’s my safe word. Safe words are there to keep things consensual and sexy. They’re an important addition to anyone’s sex life to ensure a safe sensual environment for all. Whether you’re into BDSM, using toys or keeping it au natural, they enrich sexual experiences with their potential to explore and discover more of our turn-ons safely and consensually. Get creative and have some fun with whatever word you choose!