How to Tell Your Partner You Want To Introduce Sex Toys Into The Bedroom

Adult sex toys are becoming increasingly popular. However, there’s still some awkwardness when talking about it - especially in the bedroom. And that’s due in large part to a combination of worrying that your partner’s toy will replace you, and the myth that using toys will put the relationship in a space where it’s not pleasurable without them. 

But, studies have actually found that couples that use toys have more enjoyable sex, and a stronger relationship.

With that handy piece of information in our pocket, let’s look at how to incorporate toys in the bedroom, as well as how to broach the subject with your partner without feeling awkward about it.

Why Do We Pause When It Comes To Using Sex Toys?

Part of the reason we raise an eyebrow or become uncomfortable at the mention of sex toys is because of the taboo behind it. While that stigma is slowly beginning to dwindle, it’s still tricky to address using them in the bedroom if you have to have that conversation with your partner.

The other part of that hesitation may lie in the fact that adult sex toys are prone to being advertised as a substitute for a partner that’s not there, or not getting the job done for you. 

Using toys in a relationship doesn’t have to be a daunting experience if you have the conversation the right way - here’s how you can bring it up and minimise any anxiety.  

How Do I Ask My Partner To Use Sex Toys?

Timing

Firstly, make sure your timing is right. While some partners enjoy the surprise, others might not appreciate it if you were to whip out a toy as things heat up.

In moments of passion and intensity, especially if that’s shared with a partner, we tend to become more volatile, and it can be more difficult to explain things if they’re perceived in the wrong way. 

Aim to have the conversation outside of the bedroom to make it easier to talk about.

Stand By It

Using toys in a relationship isn’t something that you should apologise for bringing up. But it’s important to make sure that your partner doesn’t think it’s something you’re talking about because they’re not good enough.

Try to approach the topic as something which both you and your partner can use to further explore your sexual bond, instead of something that’s seen as a replacement.

Don’t Force It

Sometimes, your partner may simply not feel comfortable with the idea of toys in the bedroom - and that’s okay. It may be best to look at something simpler than the toys you had in mind, and see it as a building block.

Be Truly Open To Exploration

Imagine you bring up the topic of adult sex toys in the bedroom with your partner, and they don’t like it because it’s not the toy that they had in mind.

How would you handle it?

If you’re ready to approach the topic, understand that your partner may want the same thing, just not in the same way, and that you’ll need to figure out if you wish to continue with it or not. 

Tips To Open Up The Conversation

Sometimes the topic of incorporating toys in the bedroom could be as simple as looking at toys with your partner. You can talk about what you’d like to do with the toys, and it’s a good way to enter into that space with them and puts them alongside you.

You could also look at toys specifically designed for your partner, or ones made exclusively with couples in mind. That way, the focus isn’t on you, or even the sex toy; it’s on your partner and their pleasure. 

Lastly, it’s important to make it a light-hearted conversation. While the stigma is dying out, it’s not gone completely and making sure that your partner is on the same page as you is crucial in creating a space where your sex life can truly flourish with the use of sex toys. 

If you’re still feeling stuck, why not simply say, “I enjoy our current sex life, and I thought it might be fun for both of us to try something new. Would you be open to the idea of bringing a toy into the bedroom?”  

However you choose to incorporate toys in the bedroom, it’s vital that your partner feels safe and secure with you, and that both of you see it as an exploration into learning one another better. 

Remember, this is supposed to be fun!